Romance Written in the Stars at Pure

There are plenty of reasons to want to spend your Valentine’s Day with flotation devices. Like if you were scheduled for a Feb. 14 jaunt around the Tyrrhenian Sea with Capt. Francesco Schettino, or if you were Ice-T and two of them were attached to your wife.

The very pictures of fairy-tale romance, Ice-T and Coco were at Pure on Feb. 11 to celebrate the second season of their reality show, Ice Loves Coco. Things Coco loves? Dresses that defy physics by staying on under pressure typically reserved for certain kinds of deep-sea tubeworms that live in hydrothermal vents on the ocean floor.

Ice got on the mic to offer up some “OG playa” relationship advice to the dudes in the crowd. Why he needed to even offer advice after he wrote a song called “Girls L.G.B.N.A.F.” is beyond us. It’s got everything a man needs to know how to woo right there. Like how to talk to a lady: “I just wanna get near/Get butt naked and roll around/Move our bodies like up and down/Do that stuff that your mama call smut/Girl, Let’s get butt naked and f—.” Take that, sonnet writers.

He also dropped a little freestyle, and pimped his newest project: OG XO Brandy. Everyone who’s even a little surprised that Ice-T has his own brandy, please raise your hands. No hands? Not a one? You, in the back—no, you were just scratching your head. All right then. Moving on.